Thursday, January 03, 2008

Princess Bride as National Politics

Some stuff I wrote back on one a heady day in Sept 2006, where The Princess Bride and US Politics collided with terrifying results. Reposted here just so I have it handy somewhere.

Bush: Cheney, you know how much I love watching you work... But, I've got my country's fifth 9/11 anniversary to plan, my Iran war to arrange, my detainees to torture, and Democrats to frame for it. I'm quagmired.


Congress: A war?
Bush: That's right. When most of you were my age, diplomacy was called war. And this is a special war. It was the war my father used to fight when I was little, and he used to play up to his legislature... And today I'm gonna pitch it to you.
Congress: Has it got any danger in it?
Bush: Are you kidding? Terrorists, dictators, deserts, ethnic tensions, oil, WMDs, skirmishes, urban warfare, reconstruction, nation-building...
Congress: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
Bush:[Sarcastically] Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote for the AUMF is overwhelming.


Democrats: We haven't killed or caught Osama.
Bush: What?
Democrats: We still haven't gotten the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks. I'm explaining to you because you look nonchalant.
Bush: I wasn't nonchalant. Maybe I was a little bit "too busy in Iraq" but that's not the same thing.


Congress: You never said anything about torturing prisoners.
Bush: I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
Congress: I just don't think it's right, torturing suspects who may or may not be innocent.
Bush: Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not brought on to infringe on my executive authority, you hippopotamic land masses!
Some Democrats: I agree with them.
Bush: Oh, the appeasers have spoken. What happens to them is not truly your concern. I will order their interrogations. And remember this, never forget this! Since I have been in office, you were such a minority, you couldn't get a federal minimum wage hike!
Bush: [To congress] And you! Bickering, slow, hapless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to what you were? LEGISLATING... UNDER A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT?!


Bush: They didn't surrender? ISLAMOFASCIST-able!
Democrat: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


Saddam: Oh, what I wouldn't give for a holocaust to destroy some kurds.
Short-lived crony: There, we cannot help you.
Rumsfeld: [Showing chem/bio data and imports] Will this do?
Saddam: Where did you get that?
Rumsfeld: From President Reagan. It works so well on Iranians, he said I could bring them.

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